I Need Discipline…

as a writer, that is. I know you’re probably tired of me saying that I suck at writing and blogging so I won’t say it. Instead I’ll say that I need discipline. I do have some post ideas in my brain and they will be on computer soon.  Today I decided to post on all 3 of my blogs. That’s probably why I’m waiting a bit to talk about specific this.

I’m consistent with blog number 3 in writing. I think of it as part of my job. I can be consistent with blog number 2 for a few weeks. I get to tell stories. Since this blog is just about whatever I feel like writing I have no consistency unless I challenge myself to write daily or something.

If I plan to write for a living or as part of what I plan to do for a living, I need to develop discipline. It’s not only in writing but in other areas of my life too.  I want to be a better person. That’s my goal. And I also feel like I need to make a significant career move, but I need to get my life together first.

Which brings me to the posts to come: Fairy Tail is ending soon and I have some thoughts on that and on crazy shipper fans (I’m a non-crazy, realistic, shipper fan who is fine if her ship does not float. Big difference.) and then another post about me being flustered. I have been so out of it since then. It’s kind of a big deal since I have never felt this way. I literally texted my friend once I got off work, “I’m flustered! A guy made me flustered! I don’t even know the proper definition of flustered, but that’s what I am.” It was followed by 4 different emojis, and I don’t even use emojis often. I kinda hate them, but I now know the proper definition of flustered.

Yeah, so I may or may not have feelings for a deputy who is 11 years older than me. And that may or may not be a conflict of interest of I did happen to date me. And I may or may not have any clue if he’s married or dating anyone, but have apparently started thinking, “what if?”

Also, I have jury duty tomorrow…for a county I don’t like in. They never responded to my disqualification request and the county I actually live in sent me a request a few days ago. Not looking forward to that. And if I get picked to sit on the jury for a trial, who knows how long it will take. The average length of a trial in Colorado is 3 days. I don’t have three days. It’s the end of the quarter. The jail ends its fiscal year with this month. I need to catch up on things.

I’m stressed. I’m a ball of anxiety. Literally all I need is a hug from someone I love and who loves me. Someone close. Not someone who I love as in the “love your neighbor” kind of way, but family or a really close friend. Or maybe I just need an ice cream sundae. I don’t know.

What I do know, lovelies, is that I feel somewhat lost. I can’t find my way. I don’t know which way to go. I don’t know what to feel either. Oh Lord, please help me. Maybe next post I’ll have more direction in my life.

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